You Can Lead a Horse to Water…

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If you know something is right, if you know that acting a certain way, or even feeling a certain way is the way to maintain your tranquility, then why don’t you do it?

I will get to the point:  It is through your will that you can maintain your tranquility.  To act according to your philosophy during the most trying of times requires great effort, but to be a person of virtue you must do this.  You must, through sheer mental exertion, act how you know you should act!

Here on the site, I write about a philosophical world view that includes being aware of what you can and cannot control, that fate largely determines our future, and that everything is impermanent.  You may agree with this view in its entirety or you may disagree with parts or even all of it.  Regardless of your opinion on the matter, I do think that living a life of tranquility requires two major steps:

  1. Establish your philosophy (How do I live?)
  2. Live by that philosophy

Because it may be where most of us philosophers fail, I want to address that second part today.  Assuming you have established some semblance of what is the way to live, then what does it take to actually live according to what you know to be virtuous?  Let’s break this down a little.  Let’s just take one small example.

In my philosophy, I know that I cannot control the actions of those around me.  Occasionally, I am confronted by someone who is a complete jackass.

Picture of an Ass

Picture of a jackass

I don’t mean that they are being a jackass today, but I mean a person who, by the sum of their actions, is a jackass (see definition here).  Assuming that I must deal with this person, at least for a time, what do I do?  First, I must determine (a) how I act with this person?  For my own tranquility though, I must establish (b) how I feel about and because of this person?

(a) I do not return their rudeness, attitude, and demeanor in kind.  Some of us may be tempted to do this, but most of us find this step fairly easy to complete, although it does cause us stress.  In any case, this is easier than the next part of my reaction to this jackass, and that leads to…

(b) I do not let their action affect my emotion, viewpoint and general attitude of the world around me.  This, I think, is the tough part.  It is by sheer force of will, by having complete awareness and exerting effort that I execute this very important step and maintain my tranquility and my virtue.  In many cases, I may need to maintain my interaction (e.g., a family member, an important client, my boss), so I may need use my mental will constantly.  In many cases, you may have the option to discontinue the interaction, and I do not discourage this if you have the option (for example, find a new job, look for new clients, etc.).  In any case, you must first decide whether a continued interaction is important to you; then regardless of what you decide, you maintain your tranquility through your own effort.

Sheer Force!

Sheer Force!

The bottom line here is that tranquility is yours to control, and this requires effort of will.  Your philosophy is there for you to use it in the toughest of times, and when these challenges arise you will be required to act according to what you know to be true:  that your virtue is maintained by you regardless of external influence.

To act according to what you know to be best is not always easy, but you must do so, no?

Ten Things I am Grateful For (Changing My Attitude)

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Happiness is a state of mind…blah, blah, blah, blah.   Great, thanks for the advice, how does that really help me?  Happiness is a state of mind?  Seriously how is that supposed to help me?  I know that!  The real question is, how do I change my mind?  More precisely, how do I change my state of mind to be happy.

Well, one way is to list things you are grateful for.  This morning I came up with a list of 10 things I am grateful for.  When I started, I wanted it to be a “Top 10” things I am grateful for, but as I kept thinking I realized that it would be difficult to say which things would be in the “top 10.”  In any case, these are the first 10 things I thought of.

  1. No Pain – Some people, when they open their eyes in the morning feel pain immediately.  Maybe in their joints, their back, their head, stomach, etc.  I am very fortunate.  As I age, I think I have more and more aches and pains, but I do not have anything I would classify as chronic pain.  I am very grateful that my body has yet to rebel on me.
  2. My Wife – I am grateful for my wife.  I do not want to be too sentimental here, although I could get that way.  I could write post after post of things I am grateful for about my wife.  For this list, however, I will limit my gratefulness to 2 major things about my wife that I am grateful for.  First, I am grateful that I managed to find someone who is comaptible enough with me that living with her is possible.  I take for granted, that many end up with a mate that is so incompatible that they are doomed to difficulty or divorce from the start.  Not so with my wife and I.  We have our differences certainly, but these are things we tweak here and there.  Next, is the fact that she gives a damn…about our relationship.  My wife loves and cares for US.   She makes an effort to build our relationship; when I make the effort she returns it, sometimes ten-fold.  I mention this because I often take this for granted.  She exerts effort to keep our relationship strong.  I know that this is not always the case with others.  Many people just give up on their relationships.
  3. Children (mine) – I have 5 children.  Each of them provides me with a different perspective on life.  In their own way, they each decipher the world for me through a different lens.  It is very difficult to put into words how each of them brings me joy and insight.  A little embarrassingly, they also make me very proud…I shouldn’t really have pride, should I?
  4. Food – It is not lost on me, that I have never had to worry about if I would get my next meal.  Certainly, not always a feast, but I have had some of those as well.
  5. Shelter – I have more than enough space, conditioned air, electricity, running safe water, and all the other amenities of a standard U.S. home.  I often think to myself that my residence would be considered a manor if I were to transport it back in time 100 years.  Take it further back, maybe 300 years, and it would be the grandest castle in all the world.  It’s amazing how lucky you can consider yourself when you think through the 4th dimension of time.
  6. My Mind – I am grateful that my reasoning faculties are intact.  This certainly may not last forever.  I have observed that my mind has indeed slowed down.  I have seen grandparents devolve into dementia (although from their perspective, this may actually be a blessing), and I can see others who have lost or are just losing their mind around me.
  7. Ice Cream – Do I really need to explain?  Sidenote:  I mix in peanut butter.  It’s weird and makes it even worse for me, but makes for a breathtaking occasional treat!  Also, ice cream is not food like in #4…it’s a completely different category.

    It's missing peanut butter.

    It’s missing peanut butter.

  8. Negative Examples – All around me, people are rude, proud, and lying.  They are violent, they don’t listen.  They judge me, in my opinion, without all the facts too soon.  They are ambitious to the point of greed and sometimes to obsession.  I am so grateful for this.  This is an opportunity for me to see my own dark side, to see it from outside of me.  When you see these things in another, you can address them in yourself…and use this as an antidote not to be like that.
  9. Life is a Path – I am glad that I was born basically knowing nothing.  I am glad that my parents taught me their view on life.  I am glad that society tried to teach me “norms.”  I am glad for organized religion, too.  Much of what I was taught I rejected, but I was challenged to do so on the path.  I am glad I once thought one way so strongly, in order that I was forced to defend my beliefs; as a result, I realized I was wrong.  So many thoughts, beliefs and philosophies I have had, all to lead to right now, which I am very grateful for.  …and the journey continues.Autumn Path C
  10. The Sun – I certainly take this for granted.  No matter what, the food you eat, the electricity we generate, the wood and steel we use, the plants….everything…all of Gaia…originates in the energy of the sun.  So perfectly placed from our planet, stable enough that it warms us and doesn’t fry us.  Close enough that we don’t freeze to death…it’s existence, simply amazing!

    Ball of energy!

    Ball of energy!

  11. The Internet – I guess this one is a bonus.  Used in moderation, the internet is a wonderful thing.  Information, communication, love, hate, play, business, fun…it’s a virtual world.  I am sure that if we never had the internet we would not miss it, but now that it is here, I really appreciate it.

So, in case you were wondering how to change your attitude and appreciate your world, there it is.  Maybe you are grateful for some of the things on my list, too.

Me

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“If one were to measure what is agreeable by the standard of pleasure, nothing would be pleasanter than self-control; and if one were to measure what is to be avoided by pain, nothing would be more painful than lack of self-control.” Musonius Rufus

How do I live?  Isn’t that the whole point of having a philosophy?  It is good to have a philosophy, to be whole and virtuous, to have tranquility, but is it a mistake to spend the bulk of my time and thought on “me”?  In the end, we are looking for our own contentment. I am not going to lie to myself; in the end, how I live my life is determined by how it makes “me” feel.  Will my actions and thoughts bring me tranquility?

I close my eyes for a moment.  What do I sense?  Where is the center of this sensation?  For some, it will be in our heads, for others it will be somewhere near the center of mass of our body, maybe the navel, maybe near the heart.  What is my perspective when I open my eyes?  The perspective comes from the center of my head.  When I listen where does the sound go?  Inside me somewhere, yes?  When I feel pleasant, where do I feel it…somewhere within the boundaries of my body, no?  Everything starts somewhere within the confines of “me.”  For you, it is the same.

The Eyes are the "Portal to the Soul"

The Eyes are the “Portal to the Soul”

My point here is that I cannot avoid the fact that everything in my life starts with an egocentric motive, it starts with me.  All things in my life start with me.  All the things that I can control are inside of me.  My mood, my thoughts, parts of my health.  This is not to say that everything in me is in my control.  I will maintain that cancer may destroy my body regardless of how much I do not want it to.  My brain does not fire on all cylinders all the time despite how much I want it to.  The examples abound of things I cannot control within me.  But here is my point: if it is something we can control, it is within us.  Nothing outside of us is completely in our control.

Tall Ship

Are you “seaworthy?”

Moreover, too many times we attempt to “fix” the world around us before we have made ourselves ready for the task.  Before setting sail, shouldn’t we make sure our ship is seaworthy?  Absolutely!  Keep in mind, that you could spend 100% of your time on yourself, and of course there will still be imperfection.  For a ship, being seaworthy does not mean that there aren’t maintenance issues to be dealt with constantly.  Eventually, you have to sail with what you have, and you deal with the minor issues on the ship as they appear.  So, I hope you see my point:  tending to your own mind and body is first and will take the bulk of your time, but that is so you can well and faithfully serve where necessary…but only if and when you have readied yourself.

I think that is why the Stoic philosophy is so “me-oriented,” since that is the locus of control that we truly have.  That is why me is always first.  Wholeness begins with yourself.  You can serve others better when you are whole.

When will you be happy? You decide!

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I have read several studies that have stated that once you are beyond a certain level of subsistence, more wealth does not bring you more happiness (see here, here, and here).  If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people with enough to live on.  So the question is what are you after?  Certainly not power; that too, is ephemeral and it just brings more desire.

Happiness…that is what you are after.  How do you obtain it? The third article above states that we tend to have a “set point” of happiness, regardless of our life condition.  This may very well be true.

Happiness from virtue?

Happiness from virtue?

As I have mentioned many times, I think our happiness is derived from our perspective on how things really are.  Our perspective can be widened by understanding the three Stoic concepts of control, fate, and impermanence.  Understanding these concepts takes work.  That’s the theme of my entry today, that you can read my interpretation of the Stoic philosophy, you can reach the end and say, “Ah-hah!” and you are not even close to finding happiness through virtue.  This pursuit has to be done through constant tending of your mind.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could throw some seeds down, and a garden would just grow itself?  Unfortunately, this is not the case.  We have to nurture those seeds constantly, water them, feed them with fertilizer, look out for pests, pull the weeds, and THEN we have to know when is the right time to harvest.  Wow!  All that for a garden!

Seems happy.  I wonder if he has a garden?

Seems happy. I wonder if he has a garden?

So imagine how much work it takes to nurture your own virtue.  I maintain that this endeavor is far more tedious than growing a garden.  Maybe a simple meditation based on a Stoic viewpoint, performed daily or whenever needed, could help.  Maybe right before bed and also before you place your feet on the floor when you wake up, you can simply remind yourself:

  • Control – There will be much I cannot control, but I can control my attitude
  • Fate – Many things will happen to me, much will be unexpected
  • Impermanence – Someday I will be gone, someday it will all be gone
  • So (Telling yourself in the day):  Live as if today were your last, but serve as best you know how, and be mindful and pleasant
  • So (Telling yourself before bed):  Sleep deeply, leave it behind for now.  If you awake tomorrow, you will be ready.

It’s just a suggestion.  Maybe you can make your own Stoic Meditation or your own Creed.

Duality: Either/Or vs. The Spectrum

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WARNING:  This post will take you down a very deep rabbit hole if you let it…good luck.

The duality of everything is going to drive me insane, I think.  I yearn for independence and yet need thousands around me to survive.  I want eternal happiness, yet feel down or depressed for no reason.  I strive to be a man of virtue, yet notice some of my actions are inconsistent with right versus wrong.

I’ve really been noticing the contradiction all around me.  It really is everywhere.  It is everywhere and unavoidable.  AND, like I said, my noticing it lately has been driving me crazy.  It is like watching an existential tennis match, when you hate tennis!

  • happy/sad
  • life/death
  • practical/idealistic
  • sleep/awake
  • materialistic/spiritual
  • money is everything/money is nothing
  • individuality/non-self
  • meaning/emptiness
  • purpose/futility
  • good/evil
  • knowledge/ignorance

I think the insanity begins when you start thinking of all these “opposites” as distinct either/or poles.  Either life has purpose or it is futile, either I am happy or I am sad, etc.  As soon as you start noticing these things, they pop up all around you, they come at you from everywhere…like that tennis match, or maybe it’s like two opposing walls closing inward on you with ever greater compression (think of the Star Wars trash compactor scene).  My personal frustration begins when I try to figure it out.  What does it all mean?  Is their purpose in life or is it futile?  Are we inherently evil or good?  Should I reach out to change my world or recede into myself?  Should I be happy with what I have, or should I strive for more?

So, this is where I try to break the paradigm, changing that either/or view to one of seeing suchness, one that sees that there is no either/or.  What is the answer to those questions I posed above?  When I reflect, meditate and breathe, I see the answer is yes and no, all at once.  It might be helpful to combine the answer to “yes&no.”   Is life meaningless? yes&no. Does life have purpose?  yes&no.  Should I strive to attain more wealth, or should I be happy with what I have? yes&no.  A “Yes&No” view acknowledges that there is a spectrum of non-answers rather than either/or.  It also acknowledges that I may be wrong about my own view, that clinging to an answer I KNOW is true, may not be correct.  This view is something you can study about, but it must be experienced to truly attain it.

Are there absolutes or not?  We want there to be, don’t we?  We are comfortable when we cling to our “answers.”  From a practical standpoint, we decide yes or no all the time.  Should I steal this candy bar? No.  Is that the right thing to do? Yes.  However, when it comes to our place in all of existence, these answers are approximations for truth.  What if we ask even more questions about our candy bar problem?  Who is selling the candy bar?  What are they doing with the profits?  What is in the candy bar?  Is it hurting people?  Isn’t that their choice?  Is my neighbor starving?  Am I starving?

My point here is not to convince myself that stealing a candy bar might be the right thing to do (although, I suppose given the right conditions, it might).  My point is to illustrate that even with the simplest of either/or questions, there is a spectrum that goes unnoticed by us.  We create the either/or world to try and simplify our existence, but it is not reality.  If too much of this reality seeps through into our view without the right context, it can drive us mad.

That may very well be where the Buddhist concept of right view comes in.  To see reality and thrive, we must have context; a large sea of understanding that helps us see where we fit.  When I have a right view, I can see that there is a Middle Way.  I know that there are guides to right and wrong, but I understand that these guides are dependent on context, and that all of existence is very complicated.

If I point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

If I try to point to the grain of sand, I would be both right and wrong.

What I think I am trying to emphasize is that our understanding is almost always incomplete.  The appearance of opposites is an illusion.  We must always (yes, I said always) make our decisions with incomplete information.  We do not know everything about anything, and we know very little about most things.  So, when we make our life decisions we can take heart in the fact that we are doing the best we can with the given information.  It seems that it is best when we avoid the opposite poles and favor the middle way.

…and hopefully avoid insanity.

“…what makes [the noble truths] noble truths is precisely that they are actual, undeviating, invariable (tatha, avitatha, anannatha). It is the failure to face the actuality of these truths that has caused us to wander for so long through the long course of samsara. It is by penetrating these truths exactly as they are that one can reach the true consummation of the spiritual quest: making an end to suffering.”

Taken from “Dhamma and Non-duality”, by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Access to Insight, 4 April 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/bps-essay_27.html . Retrieved on 2 January 2013.